I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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