I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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