she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
MIDGETS
????
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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