New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When are your genitals available?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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