She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
