no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize