I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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