On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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