She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
