There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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