Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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