I think I died a long time ago.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
