Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
