Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
