Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I understand Curling. That high.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
