she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
