Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
