Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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