How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
