Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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