so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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