Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
