i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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