i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
