So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize