mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
