a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize