I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
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Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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