I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
its liver damage thursday
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
