that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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