everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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