That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
