Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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