am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
