i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
