The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
