I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
