4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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