Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
