but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
