Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
