the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
