Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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