Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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