i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
