he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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