i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
