He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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