It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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