just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
