Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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