Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
