I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize