Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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