saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
