how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
