The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
