Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
