new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
