Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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