for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If its not for food we ain't going out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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