just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
