I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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