First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
