I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
