just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
